The Heart: The Gate of Transformation
How many people love themselves for who they are? How many people do you think? Are any of those people you?
If you lost your job tomorrow, would you still love and accept yourself for who you truly are? If you got dumped, would you still feel the same about yourself? What about if your kids left you or you lost your home and your material possessions? Honestly speaking, how would you feel about yourself?
Most people would not truly love themselves for who they are without their ‘stuff.’ For many of us, our lovability, likeability, and acceptability are almost entirely based on our perception of who we think we are. It’s almost as if we have a body double who plays a role for us and is kept alive by scattered bits of external validations.
You might be here today, receive a compliment and feel good about yourself right then and there, but tomorrow you may not receive the same attention and begin a cycle of harsh criticism that you do not deserve. It is up to each one of us to transform our insecurities, fears, doubts, and shame by loving each one of us for us. For all the things the ego will do, loving you is not one of them. Your ego is looking for acceptance. And it will do anything to get what it needs.
You will find yourself arguing with your ego about what is right and wrong. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love, compassion, and the transformation you’re working for every day.
Meeting Unmet Needs
What is your deepest emotional wound? What has been the most prominent theme or emotional pattern you have experienced?
Now consider this: how were you going to escape this? Prince charming? A lottery win? A boss who sees how great you are and gives you the highest promotion?
Thinking back to your childhood, what was your unmet need?
Did dad work long hours and you never saw him? Maybe you thought you weren’t important enough?
In cases like those listed above, we might meet our unmet needs by trying to be perfect or overachieve. This can lead us to volunteering to overwork ourselves in order to search for the recognition we didn’t receive as a child. Take the example of Robin Williams. The famous actor who only got his Mothers attention when he made her laugh. As a result, he spent his entire life making other people laugh in a desperate attempt to feel the love, acceptance, and recognition he didn’t always receive as a child.
What we can learn from these kinds of examples is that the only person who can meet out unmet needs is you. So what could it be like if you were to rid yourself of all of the childhood beliefs you’ve saddled yourself with and love yourselves? If you could go back in time, what would you want to hear from your family that could help change your path?
Name 5 things you wanted to hear.
Now that you’ve listed the five things, please answer the following questions:
What I really wanted to feel was…
Because I thought it would make me…
But instead, it made me…
And that result made me…
So now, what I would really like is…
Ready to transform your life?