Our early experiences shape us

‘Love is the outpouring of Spirit, the giving-ness of life. In its lesser sense, the affection one has for another. The principle of Love is not to be confused with mere sentimentality, although all forms of Love are aspects of it. It is the great Unifying Principle, the entire creative element, the motivating Power of all that is fine and noble n life, in metaphysical treatment it is the healing force’

– Ernest Holmes.

Our early experiences with our parents, care givers and siblings have a profound effect on our lives.

The relationships and beliefs we form from our early experiences shape our feelings towards ourselves. Our self-image, attitudes,

behaviours and even our level of success is determined by the influences we had as a child.

Each cell in your body contains DNA and each strand of DNA contains information about your genetics, eye colour, hair colour, whether you are male or female and much more. But, it also contains memories and emotions which have travelled down your ancestral line for generations, meaning you contain within you, the deeply held beliefs and memories of your Grandparents and their Grandparents before them.

Many studies confirm the inheritance of memories and beliefs. So, not only do we learn behaviour by copying our parents and those close to us, we also inherent our ancestors’ beliefs and memories.

 

Thoughts-feelings-behaviour

A thought creates a feeling which, in turn, creates a behaviour. This cycle becomes an ingrained pattern in our brain. In Neuroscience, this is called a neural pathway and upon repetition of the thoughts-feeling-behaviour cycle, it becomes a short cut that gets restimulated when given the same trigger or stimulus, ie by repeating circumstances. This can be positive or negative.

So, how do we let go of these, so when given the same stimulus nothing happens?

 

Awareness!

As you start to become more self-aware, you start to notice your own thoughts and feelings. This is a crucial step to changing behaviour. Once you become aware of the thoughts you have, you can use interventions to reframe the thoughts and the meaning you give to those thoughts, for example:

“My boss didn’t say hello to me today”

Thoughts – I must have done something to upset him.

Feelings – You become over-critical of yourself or blame yourself, assuming you must have done something wrong.

 

Exercise – thoughts-feelings-behaviour

What possible negative meanings could we put on the following scenarios?

You don’t get a promotion at work and your colleague does:

 

………………..…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

………………..…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

Your partner doesn’t text you like they usually do:

 

……………..……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

………………..…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

 

You don’t get invited to a party:

 

……………..……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

………………..…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

How could we start to reframe the meaning we give these situations and change our way of thinking, so it has a clear perspective rather than a negative one?

 

………………..…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

………………..…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

All you need to do is ask your current thinking for supporting evidence. For example, ‘I was not asked to the party because I am not liked’.

 

What is the supporting evidence? Or is this just to do with a belief you hold? Is this way of thinking just supporting a belief, such as ‘I am not likeable’, rather than being based on evidence?

 

Being aware of a re-stimulation occurring is an important step of awareness and halfway to a resolution of the issue.

 

Two further steps are to accept the resulting emotion, then let it go. You can do this by realising the painful feeling is an old energy being held on to by an old painful experience, one which needs acceptance rather than resistance, and that you can choose to continue to create it or not.

Ready to feel empowered, take control of life and live the life you truly deserve? Join my next online coaching program here.