Clashing with yourself. Dealing with sub-personalities.

Do you often find that you are at odds with yourself, torn over decisions and never quite knowing if you’re being true to who you are? We all possess sub-personalities but we don’t always know how to handle them or what on earth is happening within that’s causing such uproar.


Think of any given scenario where you have thought, ‘Part of me wants to do this… But part of me wants to do something else.’ Have you believed you were anxious or insecure but been smacked with the realisation that only a part of you is? Can you deliver, no-sweat, a lecture to hundreds but your knees knock over a one-to-one with a certain someone? It’s tiresome and it’s confusing. So, what on earth is going on?


Sub-personalities are parts of your psyche. They are different qualities following particular patterns of behaviour, perception, thoughts and feelings. There are numerous ones and you may find you can identify with any one of them; the inner critic, the higher self, the inner child are just three. Canadian psychiatrist Eric Berne believed all adults have three basic sub-personalities, and this is one popular concept:


  • Child – where the main priority is to be child-like, to have fun and to play. This is very much guided by our desires and emotions. We wish to explore and create. We get easily distracted and it’s difficult to resist what we desire. We’re frivolous. We’re mischievous. We want to spend our time doing something playful. We will ignore our problems as we’re unable to solve them.
  • Adult – The emphasis is on self-development. We’re logical and can deal with facts. We’re successful at restraining our child-like urges. This personality is strengthened when we become independent and work.
  • Parent – the priority is care and control. We’re dutiful and follow rules and morals. We’re responsible for others as well as ourselves. This personality can form even if we have no children of our own. We accept responsibility for others.


It can be exasperating to have to contend with multiples ‘selves’. They are all fighting to be heard the loudest and how do you cope when two or more of them are vying for your attention when you’re attempting to make a decision or solve a problem. This can spark inner conflict, overthinking or analysing and indecisiveness and this can lead to no end of turmoil; each personality bringing its own perspective, experience, needs and values to the party. They all have something to say.


How do we resolve the chaos and restore harmony and balance? What’s important to note is that a sub-personality doesn’t define YOU, it’s not the be-all-and-end-all to your modus operandi. A dominant personality may shout louder than the rest and we may feel more attached to it and identify more with it. However, when there are a few tugging away at you, the best tool for dealing with it is to learn to communicate. It’s as simple as listening to all aspects of your ‘self’. By weighing up opinions and negotiating equally, each sub-personality can be heard – what does it need, what does it want, what is it afraid of? Believe it or not, each sub-personality only ever wants the best for you. More negative and overwhelming personalities can be trained to act in more useful ways to allow an alignment which can bring order to the holistic self, eradicating conflict within and allowing us to act with a clearer and more logical mindset. Our judgment will not be as distorted.

Embrace all of your sub-personalities, they only act to serve you well. Their aim is to get you though the trials and tribulations of life as unscathed as possible and to protect you. Once you accept them it can be freeing. Acknowledge even the personalities you feel are a hindrance and you will be more in tune with them and be able to control them. They exist to support you in all your glory, which leads you to think why they can suppress your fulfilment. Keeping them hidden and tucked away will only lead to unresolved inner-conflict and the voices will only be more amplified. By training clients to work with and acknowledge ALL of their sub-personalities, you are supporting them to expand their identity and act with more authenticity. They can embrace who they are, each piece of a jigsaw that makes them whole, and they can recognise the power which they truly hold.

At the Soul Awakening Academy we have many different tool, techniques & self-development courses to help you discover your true-self so you can live the life you deserve. Check out our courses


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